I was always fascinated about transsexuals. As long as I can remember I got heavily sexually aroused by thinking of having sex with a TS. I repressed it in my teenage years, tried to push everything away, had a lot of girls, got married at an early age, got divorced one year later, but never lost the arousal I have thinking of fucking a TS whilst penetrating a gg in reality. I have to add that I grew up in Belgium and the people there are not famous for their open society. I hated my life there and wanted to get away from that country as soon as possible.

I started to have sex with LB’s in the mid 80ies. First at the place where I lived, which was Hamburg that time, then I started travelling to Amsterdam – which was the closest possible place featuring ladyboys I could imagine - then to Koeln, where they had some nice cabarets, to London and finally in 1987 to Asia. My first trip brought me to Thailand. I came, saw and fell 100% in love with this country. From that day on I travelled through more or less all Asian countries – which was, to be honest, also because of a constant search for cute LB’s – but nothing touched me emotionally so strong like LOS.
In the mid 90ties I quitted my job and moved to Thailand. That was absolutely crazy, because I had no other job there, or anything that could bring me some money, but I had to do it, I felt that I have to live the life I was always looking for. I took all my savings and started travelling through this country. First, I banged more or less all kathoeys I bumped into, until I head a kind of emotional breakdown of screwing over 40 girls in a month. I felt more lost and lonely than ever before. In this weak condition I was open for everything and 2 weeks later I was heavily in love with a gorgeous LB from Udon Thani, whom I met working in a gg bar in Soi Cowboy – maybe the only LB that time at Soi Cowboy. She was gorgeous 19 years old, little hormon breasts, long hair and a nice dick. Absolutely my type (as I’ve stated here before many times).  I told her to stay in my appartment in BKK and then, hoplessly lovesick, I persuaded her to drop her job and move with me to her hometown in the north. Of course I paid everything, of course I knew I was totally stupid – but I had to do it. It’s strange about mistakes. In 99% of the cases I knew it when I was wrong, but I kept doing it – I guess I have a kind of emotional addiction for anything that brings me nearer to the borders life.

Her name was Faa and she presented me to everybody up there as her bf. She was only one-and-a-half years away from home and came back for the first time, much more female looking, than she left. Her family was very suspicious at the beginning, but when they saw that I paid her life and the rent for the little house up there, they felt more and more comfortable with the idea of having a farang kind-of-son-in-law in their family. Her parents had a little grocery store. Her 2 older sisters left home for BKK a couple of years ago as well, so the parents were happy for any hand they could get. Faa helped them in the shop and I did some mechanic work. Her father was more than happy and paid me with food, which Faa cooked at home. She never spoke a word about what she did in BKK and the parents also didn’t ask – neither her, nor me. She was awsome when she worked in the store, barefoot with her simple skirt, her long ponytail falling down her back and this breathtaking smile I loved so much. I told her to make a hormon break for a couple of months so that her body can recover and enjoyed after a while a wonderful daily white morning shower on my face – bukkake vice-versa - that was the life I always dreamed of!

But at the same time I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Of course I ran out of money after 10 months and had not a single idea how I should finance the near future. My expertise is some strange highly sophistictaed crap, completely useless in countries like Thailand. So I went to BKK asked a German friend of mine who did some business consultancy there. He told me I can start at his company, but he can’t pay me more than he pays his Thai empoyees. I said, ok – at least it was better than nothing and I could still stay with my beloved girl, in my beloved country. But things went worse than I could imagine that time. Faa stayed with her parents in the north, I lived in BKK. I told her to come to BKK again, but she was dissapointed in a way, she thought this life, me as the big spender and her family as the beneficiary could go on like it was before. Anyway, after a while (when they all run out of money) she came to BKK and stayed with me in the little appartment I rented at Din Daeng. But the feeling wasn’t the same as before.
One day my boss – I thought he was a friend - asked me if it’s true that the girl I’m with is a kathoey. If so, than I can’t stay in his company any longer, because some Thai clients heard about it and told him that people hanging around with kathoeys don’t belong to the world they are used to make business with.

Well... so I lost my job after 4 months and my girl was about to go back to her bar-job. I was hopelessly frustrated, pissed off with the hypocrit society in Thailand, pissed off with the bargirl minds…

So I left LOS and moved after a short break at home to Zurich where I still live, or better exist, because I really live in the 4 or 5 weeks holidays a year, which I regularly spend in LOS. Faa went back to the place I first met her and I never saw her again.  From that time on I had some long-distance relationships with kathoeys in Thailand and anotherone with a Venezuelan post-op TS in Europe. This was the only relationship I had with a post-op and from that time on I know I don’t like it. I don’t like the sex and a relationship can’t live from the mind alone. I always heard that many post-ops are mentally very instable and it’s really hard to have a serious relationship with them – the time with her showed me that this is true. She was not only very good looking and an extremely smart and cultivated person; she was also getting more and more depressive – which was terrible for both of us.

I haven’t had sex with gg’s since years and I don’t miss it at all. I think now in my late 30ies I know what I’m looking for. I have seen so many countries and enjoyed the ladyboys living there – one-nighters, short-time relations and long-time relationships - but at the end of the day I know that Thailand still would be my favorite place to live, although this country is more money-driven than any other place I’ve been. Thailand seems to have an open and relaxed society – but it’s not! It’s a country of many contradictory faces. But I still love it and when I get the chance to go back I’ll do it without hesitation.

In the meantime I’m lucky that a site like Asian TS exists, which doesn’t feature only the girls. It also transports the certain flavour of this country and is a kind of living-elexir for a homesick guy like me.

Thanks to Jon and all the people who’re working on it.

Mai-Kee